Positive Pants Time

Many people say to me “stay positive”. Hmmm.  Easy to say. I am of course normally am an absolute paragon of positivity.  People enquire regularly as to where I get my oodles of happiness and life-affirming joy from.  

This post will therefore focus on all that’s good in the world.

First though, let’s be honest, the prospect of a big operation, recovery and all that goes with it, doesn’t fill me with an especially warm and fuzzy feeling.  Very little does. The journey will be long – doubtless with potholes, bumps, traffic – and of course: a destination.

However, it’s supposed to be a [happy] heart surgery blog so here goes…..positive pants on (they are pink in case you wondered).

Timing – It’s everything, and lucky for me, my problems were identified thanks to me being a short-ass over 20 years ago.  This means I have had 20 years of world-class monitoring to pick the most premium time to do “it”. 

Dealt with long before any material symptoms take hold (fainting, arrhythmias, heart failure, death, doom etc – wait wait, stay positive. Ohmmmmm).

Could I change it? In a word, no.  I have asked many doctors if there is anything I should do.  Initially they said no high pressure situations i.e. scuba diving (or becoming an astronaut), but this later changed, so I was free to get my dive licences (and be a space tourist when I find $250k).  

Apparently no amount of drink, drugs, smoking or my rock and roll lifestyle would have had much impact. 

“What about a butt-load of coke?” I asked once. No known impact, but please don’t……I didn’t – still time, I guess.

Morphine – This op is gonna proper hurt.  Never had morphine before, I hear it’s fun – plus you get a button afterwards you can push for more morphine.

I will be pushing that button. Lots.

An audience – I love an audience, and whilst my intention of writing this blog was for catharsis, I appear to have one. Readers who are reacting, emoji-ing and sending happy & positive messages.  Even my typically cold heart feels a (little) bit warm and fuzzy over this. I love you all in my weird way (but don’t tell anyone).

Cholesterol – High cholesterol – Is it connected? Perhaps. How is it positive you ask? Well, I had a scan of my arteries which were clear (hooray!) however, there were some abnormal plaques on my aortic valve which led to me having a minor laughing fit last week:

Doctor – “What’s funny?” concerned look on face that says this is bad news, stop laughing. Idiot.

Howard “We don’t need to worry about that” – Giggles to self.

Med student (always a med student there) – Confused look. 

Doctor  “Why?”

Howard  “That valve won’t be there in 6 weeks”

Doctor “Oh, I see”

Med student – Confused look

Doctor – Confused look

Howard – Amused look

Doctor “Just for info, why won’t it be there?”

Howard “Well……funny story…..”

The future –  This is a tough one. I’ve been struggling with the very concept of a future and what it looks like. Yet, conversely, I’ve been investing in it. Fixed points in time, as Dr Who would say.

1. Flights to SA for some cardiac rehab and convalescing (and to take the strain from Candice) in April. 
2. A new car! A bit of a splurge, but I always wanted a VW Golf (low ambitions), so I bought one. On a three year plan. Fun fact: PCP will continue after you die.  So I’d better keep going.
3. Seeds / bulbs – The annual cycle of planting vegetables, nurturing, growing and harvesting is one of my favourite things.  I bought seeds, which shows an intention to sow and reap the benefits (pumpkins – yum). Apparently gardening is excellent for rehab too!
4. Pension / Finances – I understand now how they all work, in great and boring detail and what happens if one departs this mortal coil.

Music 

I got a new phone. Upgraded from V to X – double!  64GB of delicious space. This allowed me to fire up my 2010 MacBook, copy the music over and rediscover my entire CD collection of old. Songs long-forgotten coming back to the fore. Amazing. No new or modern music of course, that would be silly business.

A series of whistful memories of times gone by and getting drunk with Slav et al. Heaven. Lol.

Some songs seem so apposite – such as

Family

We are a ‘real’ family now and that means more than I ever thought it could.

Candice – my rock, my support, the other half of my soul.

And now……my Sadie Aurora. My little light in the darkness.

I never thought something so small could bring so much happiness. 

Even though my life is now 35% dedicated to another human’s bowel movements, I am firmly committed to hanging around and seeing those movements through for as long as possible.

Rude words

Normally when I swear, I get chastised by my mum. This blog appears to be a free pass to drop an f-bomb. So, errrr, fuck it. Hi Mum.

See you all real soon.

X